Sue Scheff: Cyberbully and Anonymous Tip Lines

A few months ago I was introduced to this fantastic website for parents of teens and tweens. I recently visited there again, and was again, amazed at the up-to-date articles including deciding on your teen’s allowance, the high costs of having your teen involved in sports, and so much more. I noticed today a educational article on the inside scoop of anonymous tip lines for cyberbullying. Read more and remember, visit this website - it is not only informational, it is bright and cheery!

Source: Tangerine Times

By Myrna Lantzsch

I’ve been working with a local group to educate and develop policy around the issue of cyber-bullying. If you’ve been a reader you’ll know that a friend of mine’s child was a victim of cyber-bullying recently. I discovered some products (this is but one) that I am going to recommend the schools take into consideration. It is computer program that provides an anonymous communication link between the students and the administration. I think we all know that kids are the best resource for knowing what’s going on inside our schools.

Here is a description of the program from their website (Disclaimer: I have not received any product information or free product from this company - I found it via research):

” Experts say in four out of five school shootings, the attackers boasted about their plans to other students beforehand. So how can school officials and law enforcement bridge the communication chasm between students and faculty? Is investing in security cameras and infrastructure improvements the right approach? AnComm believes that if we are to reduce the likelihood of violence in schools, we must put communication at the core of our school safety plan.

Administrators need to give students a way to reach out to counselors and faculty without fear of retribution or embarrassment to seek help or notify those who can help that there are problems inside your school that require attention. ‘Talk About It®’ provides an affordable, easy-to-implement option to immediately breaking the code of silence and getting students to ‘Talk About It®.’

Continue reading this post…

Sue Scheff: Parenting, Teens and Facebook

Today more and more teens are joining Facebook as well as the other Social Network - however Facebook seems to be growing. Why? I honestly don’t know, but I do know parents are enjoying Facebook as much as many kids are. Recently I stumbled over an article on Tangerine Times written by a parent helping us navigate our way through the Social Cyberspace. This topic is critical - as keeping your child’s privacy is important for many reasons. Help your kids stay safe with Social Networking - read this valuable article.

Source: Tangerine Times

How to Help Your Teen Use Privacy Settings on Facebook

Many parents tell me they are frustrated with their teens’ use of Facebook. Here are some of the comments I hear frequently from parents:

“They know more than I do about how to use it and set it up, so how can I control it?”

“My kids are using it when I am not around, so how can I possibly know what they are doing, who they are talking to and if they are being safe with their information?”

“I feel this has gotten out of control, and I don’t really know what to do to get it back under control”

“I am afraid there are predators.”

“I give up. I just hope they aren’t doing anything stupid because I haven’t a clue what they are doing online.”

What I see are parents who over control (they deny their kids use of Facebook entirely) or parents who are completely “hands off”. And some of these are parents who normally wouldn’t dream of sending their child into an unknown situation without a little research. Crazy huh? I’ve decided to begin a campaign to de-mystify Facebook for those parents who feel they are not comfortable enough to set boundaries for their teens. It’s not rocket science but I completely understand their frustration in trying to understand it all.

Here are some tips about privacy settings on Facebook. It is never too late to ask your teenager about their privacy settings, even if they have had their account for years.

Friend Lists

(this is configured by visiting the “Friends area” of Facebook)

you can set up different friend lists based on interests; in the case of teens, maybe they shouldn’t have their friends from their high school in the same friends list with the kids they went to summer camp with 5 years ago OR if they “friend” someone outside of their school. Remember:
you can add each friend to more than one friend group

“Friend Lists” can have specific privacy policies applied to them (this is critical if your child is having a “problem” with one friend but doesn’t want to “un-friend them”

Watch out for Friends’ News Feeds

Most teens use the relationship box but it can be hazardous. A news feed goes out (to all their “friends”) as soon as they change their relationship status. Some teenagers even find out they are bringing “broken up with” because they get a news feed their boyfriend/girlfriend is now “single”. ouch. IF your and your teen decide to keep this particular information private, all they have to do is uncheck the box next to “Remove Relationship Status in the “News Feed and Wall Privacy” page.

Those Goofy Applications

Facebook is known for their fun quizzes and applications. Right now, the hottest app is the “25 Random Things About Me”. People love taking these little quizzes and passing them along to their “friends”. But, keep in mind there are some applications that have an age requirement/limit to them and by simply participating, your teen is sending out a signal that they are over 18 (for instance). Also, applications send out their own news feed.

For instance, “Sarah just took the Sexual Compatibility Test!” gets sent to your “friends” after you’ve taken one of the little “quizzes.” Many publish these without you knowing it. There are two suggestions you can give your teen; don’t visit the applications often (and be careful which ones you do) and review your profile after you’ve participated in a new quiz or fun “something”.
Walling
Your teen can customize their wall postings’ visibility. They can also control which friends can post on their wall. Here are the two places do that:

Go to “Profile page”
Click on the “Settings” icon on the wall
Find the box that says, “Who can see this?” and select who you want to view the wall posts
Another way is….
to control which friends can post on your teen’s wall (this is particularly useful if someone is getting a little “nasty” and starting a words war)

visit “Profile Privacy Settings”page
go to the section labeled “Wall Posts”
your teen can disable a specific friends ability to post on their wall and you can select specific friends who can post on their wall.

Remove them from Facebook Search Results

By default, Facebook makes your teens’ presence visible to the network they are in. For instance, in my area, the default group is the SF network. Most teenagers belong to at least their school’s network which (I believe) is the most important group for a teen to belong to. It is their primary means of sharing with each other, debrief the day and communicate about upcoming events. Obviously, there are many other “networks” and groups to belong to. It should be up to you and your child how many and which ones to belong to. As you add groups, the exposure is widened. For good or ill.

Visit “search privacy settings” page

Under “Search Visibility” select “Only Friends” (doing so, will remove your teen from Facebook search results, so make sure they (you) want them removed totally.

Otherwise….you can select another group, such as “My Network and Friends” which (I think) is the default

Click “Save Changes”

Remove them from Google Search

Did you know that Facebook gets lots of traffic from displaying user profiles in search engines. It benefits Facebook. Not necessarily a teenager. Not all of one’s profile is displayed. Currently the information displayed is limited to:

the profile picture
your friends list
a link to add as a friend
a link to send you a mesage
a list of up to 20 fan pages that you are a member of

For plenty of people, being displayed in the search engines is a great way to let people get in contact with you (or discover you). I use it for just this reason to market my blog especially since Facebook tends to rank high in the search results but not everyone wants their information to be public (and I’m plenty careful about what is public on mine)

By visiting “Search Privacy Settings Page” (same as above); you can control the visiblility of your teen’s public search listing which is visible to Google and other search engines. You can turn off the public search listing by simply un-checking the box next to the phraes “Create a public search listing for me and submit it for search engine indexing”. By the way, this option only shows up if you’ve selected “Everyone” under “Search Visibility”.

Avoid Embarrassing Photo/Video Tagging Mistakes

This is one of the most difficult (and common) problems that teens have with Facebook. Sometimes it’s not even the poor judgment of the teen that gets them into trouble but the poor judgment of a “friend” who posts an ill-gotten, poorly timed photo or dis-tasteful video and then tags your unfortunate teenager.

How do you help your teen avoid this form of potential embarrassment?

Visit the page called, “profile privacy” and modify the setting next to “Photos Tagged of You”

Select the option which says “Customize…” and a box while pop up

Select the option “Only Me” and then…

“None of my Networks” if you would like to keep everything (all photos/videos) private.
If you’d like to make tagged photos visible to certain users, choose to add them in the box under “Some Friends”

In the box that displays after you select “Some Friends” you can type either individual friends or a friends list

Photos Privacy Page

Many times people will go to the effort of turning off their tagged photo visibility to certain friends but yet “forget” about their photo albums. If you are trying to make all your photos invisible you have to do so with each album as well.

There is a specific “Photos Privacy Page” where you can manually configure the visibility of each album. This setting is extremely useful and I highly recommend you take the time to show your teen how to use it and encourage them TO use it. It may take some time initially to set up, but in the long run, only the people you truly want to view your photos, can see them.

Contact Information

Last by not least, make sure your teen has not listed your home phone number under contact info OR home address. In fact, this is probably the one area that I think parents should have the MOST say in. After all, your teen’s phone number, address, age, school etc are all pieces of information that are negotiable!

That’s my 2 cents. Hopefully some of you will find this helpful. I’ll continue to update and add information as parent/readers write in with other questions.

Sue Scheff: Teen Sex in the Web and Media

Sex in the Media

Source: Connect with Kids

“Every TV show now has like at least one character who is like a slut.”

– Katie Seewald, 14 years old

Parents have heard a thousand times that sex is all over the media. But is the sheer volume of sexual images harming our children? Or is it something else?

A recent movie, “A Guy Thing,” begins with a bachelor (played by Jason Lee) hurrying a woman (Julia Stiles) out of bed after a drunken one-night stand.

The scene is typical of how casual sex is portrayed on television and in the movies.

14-year-old Katie Seewald says, “Every TV show now has like at least one character who is like a slut.”

A study by the Rand Corporation finds that teens who watch shows with heavy sexual content are twice as likely to get pregnant or get someone pregnant compared to kids who don’t watch those shows. Still, while the study demonstrates a correlation between teenage sexual behavior and television content, it does not prove a cause. Are the higher pregnancy rates the result of TV viewing, or is it simply that kids who take sexual risks and end up pregnant are more likely to watch sexual content on TV? It is not clear.

Experts say one problem with television content is that sex seldom has consequences.

“If they see sex without negative consequences…they may think that having, or engaging in sex, may not have negative consequences,” explains Dr. Gina Wingood, Associate Professor at Emory University.

Bo Brewer, 17, agrees, “You never see abortion in movies or on t-v.”

So does 17-year-old Elizabeth Green, “They want everything to be in the heat of the moment, to flow, and having to stop to go put on a condom doesn’t really flow with the storyline.”

The experts’ advice?

Limit the amount of sexual content your kids are allowed to watch and talk with your children about the sexy scenes they see on TV.

Studies show children are much less likely to be influenced by what they see if they know their parents strongly disagree.

“Teens and young people do care what their parents think. And they do care what their parents’ feelings are,” says psychologist Betsy Gard. “And if a parent expresses very strong dislike of a program and explains their reasons, that’s going to have an impact on the teen.”

“And I think it’s kind of up to parents or some figure like that to say ‘well that’s not the way it is, that’s just the way that it is on that t-v show,” says 16-year-old Mary Cloud.

Tips for Parents

The American Academy of Pediatrics has suggested that portrayals of sex on entertainment television may contribute to precocious adolescent sex. Approximately two-thirds of television programs contain sexual content, and adolescents who viewed more sexual content were more likely to initiate intercourse and progress to more advanced non-coital sexual activities. Youths in the top 10th percentile of television sex viewing were twice as likely to have sex as those youths who were in the bottom 10th percentile of viewing.

Adolescence is a key period of sexual exploration and development. This is the time when teens begin to consider which sexual behaviors are enjoyable, moral and appropriate for their age group. Many teens become sexually active during this period; currently, 46 percent of high school students in the United States admit to having had sexual intercourse. Consider the following:

By ninth grade, 34 percent of teens have had sexual intercourse. By 12th grade, this figure increases to 60 percent.

On average, teens watch three hours of television every day.

Watching a program that talked about sex was associated with the same risks as exposure to a program that depicted sexual behavior.

Approximately one in seven television programs includes a portrayal of sexual intercourse.
Television programs with sexual content have an average of 4.4 scenes per hour containing sexually related material.

Youths who watched more depictions of sexual risks or safety were less likely to initiate intercourse.

Watching sex on television predicts and may hasten adolescent sexual initiation. Reducing the amount of sexual content in entertainment programming, reducing adolescent exposure to this content, or increasing references to and depictions of the possible negative consequences of sexual activity could delay when teens embark on sexual activities. A quarter of all sexually active teens will contract a sexually transmitted disease each year. According to 57 percent of adults and 72 percent of teens, the media has given "more attention" to teen pregnancy prevention in recent years.

Remember that as a parent you may be able to reduce the effects of sexual content in the media by watching television with your teenagers and discussing your own beliefs about sex and the behaviors being portrayed. Most parents say they have discussed sex with their teenagers, but far fewer teenagers say they had such talks with their parents. Sixty-nine percent of teens report that it would be "much easier" to postpone sexual activity if they could have "more open, honest conversations" about sex with their parents. In addition:

About 60 percent of teens have a television in their bedroom. The only way to keep parental control of television viewing is to not let your teen have a television in the bedroom.
Unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases are more common among those who begin sexual activity earlier.

Two-thirds of sexually experienced teens wish they had waited longer to have intercourse.
Seventy-nine percent of teenage virgins are not embarrassed to tell others they have not had sex.

Youngsters who receive little parental supervision may have more time and freedom to watch sexually based programming and more opportunities to engage in sexual activity.

References
The Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation
Medical News Today
Pediatrics
Rand Corporation
Talk With Your Kids
USA Today